I suppose I'm like a lot of people when I say I didn't get done all the things I wanted to accomplish over the Summer months. Blogging regularly, for instance. Setting up my design studio, for example. Exercising... oh, the list goes on.
I have a perfectly legitimate reason. I have developed some sort of strange neurological... oh, let's call it "disruption". In a few days, I'll be heading to Mayo Clinic/Hospital in Rochester, MN for some testing. Basically, what has been happening to me since 3rd May are muscle spams not unlike what one might see with MS - Multiple Sclerosis. However, since there aren't MS specialists in my immediate area and I haven't been able to get a definitive diagnosis from local neurosurgeons, I'm venturing to Mayo to see if anyone there can figure out what is going on. I've already had several MRIs over the Summer and did a couple nights in hospital mid-May, but no conclusions have been made as to what is making my hands, feet, face, and occasionally even my back, twist into stiff contortions at their own whim.
It doesn't always hurt, sometimes the "curling" is simply a neutral position (often in a sort of "Rock on!" heavy metal devil horns way, though sometimes I have to apologise for inadvertently flipping the bird), but there are times when the pain is excruciating and exhausting. Most of the time, however, it looks worse than it feels, though it does put a damper on a lot of activities. For example, I haven't used the hunt-n-peck method of typing since high school, but I'm getting pretty good at it!
I've been trying to keep positive over the last few months. I mean, we know it's not cancer. We know I have a stagnant lesion on the right side of my thalamus. We don't know why I'm having these spams on an almost daily basis. They started when I was in a fairly stressful situation after a build up of several other stressful situations, but I've been under worse stress in my lifetime, so why now and why this particular physical reaction?
As you can imagine, the not knowing is really bothering me and, by extension, my family and friends. I can count myself fortunate that I do have a good support group around me. I have been able to go on our family camping trips. I have been able to work on a few sewing projects (yep, still picking away at that baby quilt). I've even managed to finish a few things (nope, not that baby quilt). I went to my 25th high school class reunion and danced the night away and I even took my boys to the opening day of the MN State Fair.
But as I get closer to my Mayo appointment(s), my trepidation increases. It doesn't help that I'm anticipating a spinal tap, and not the fun, Michael McKean in Spandex variety. I'm not even sure how long I'll be there. My only consolation (outside of family and friends) is the notion that I'll soon have a name for whatever this is (besides "that little effer in my brain") and can then plan a course of healing/management. A plan that moves forward, for no matter how hard I've tried to keep things going as normally as possible, the unknown lurks large and, frankly, has held me from doing a few of the things I'd ordinarily jump into without a second thought. I've been able to push beyond my fibromyalgia for performances (then be absolutely spent afterward), but the spams are different. I can't seem to "mind over matter" them the way I could with fibro flare-ups and I there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to when they'll hit.
Anyway, I'll keep on truckin' as usual, and hopefully it won't be too long before you hear from me again. Next time with good news.
