I've been working on the baby blanket for my friend and I began quilting it yesterday. I have one square in the quilt that is all white, so I thought, Wouldn't it be cute to write her name when I'm quilting? Fortunately, her name is Lillian, so it's got a lot of loops. I didn't have quite as good a grasp on it as I'd hoped, and it didn't come out like I wanted. It was too small, wasn't at the right angle (I hadn't been able to find my water soluble pen to write it out first, so it was totally free-hand) and I felt like a dip for even trying it. Then I thought, well, just fill up the square with some more squiggles and blend it in more than making it a feature. That worked! Well, I think it did.
At least I can live with it. Even though I won't actually be the one living with it. You know what I mean.
Anyway, I got that all sorted out when all of a sudden, my tension got all wonky. I tried all sorts of things. I even tried simply stitching over where it was loopy. Then I discovered that somewhere along the line, my thread got taken off the back hook of the line. Hmmm... That's not the technical term for it, but I'm not sure what it's really called. The very first thing I hook my thread around when I'm threading the machine. That's where it got pulled off. I didn't realize, because it didn't really look any different and was still stitching, however sloppily.
Waaayyyyll, crap. Now I'd done it. This is when my rather unfortunate brain chemistry chirps in and starts telling me all sorts of nasty things, like, "You're an idiot. What made you think you could attempt this? It's just one more thing for you to fail at." No really. She likes to go off the deep end. I should give her a nasty name. Like Chick the Stick. Just so you know it's my evil twin talking down at me, not me. Because she tends to have way worse grammar than I.
Of course, the other problem is that I didn't get cast in the last of several shows I auditioned for. I got cast in the one non-paying gig I auditioned for, which is way cool, because I'll be working with a really great director and I really wanted the role, but I'd also really like to get paid for what I, frankly, love most and am best at doing. I deserve that paycheck. Hence the severity of the down talk.
Back to the quilt... I was terrified at the prospect of trying to remove the stitches. I'm relatively new to the quilting aspect of this process and I've only ever done free hand. I've also only ever done stuff that's pretty small. Yes, even a baby quilt is huge by comparison. I also don't have a machine specifically for quilting. It doesn't have a particularly long arm, so I have to really make adjustments for that. So, my stitches aren't terribly even and some of them get pretty tight. BLARGH!
So, thoroughly disgusted with myself, I cut the blanket free and brought it upstairs to sit in my recliner under the good light and try to remove my mess. I must have had quite a look on my face, because my hubby looked really worried. I just muttered about how awful I am and he did his level best to be supportive and soothing. I'm not easy to live with, I grant him that. He has the patience of a saint. More so, probably.
I started picking away at the threads from the front side because I thought it'd be easier than trying to work with the flannel backing. Then I flipped it over, just to see what kind of a mess I'd made on the back side. It turned out that, since the tension had gone so loose on the top thread, even the tight stitches were easily plucked if I simply made a few slices with my seam ripper. It wasn't an easy task, by any means, but it certainly wasn't as dreadful as I had anticipated. Sure I have a few needle scars, but those will work themselves out in the wash. I did leave it alone for the rest of the evening to let myself cool off and just separate from it for a while, but I'm going to get back to it once I've gotten the boys home from school today.
I guess the whole point of this entry is to remind you that, even when you make a mistake, whether it's stupid, honest, or both, don't be so hard on yourself. Take a break. You made need only a few minutes or maybe you'll need to really separate yourself from it and move on to the next thing. But don't beat yourself up over it. And if you just can't help it and start to put yourself down, give your evil twin a name (a really awful name) and tell him/her to SHUT UP.
Also, don't forget to check out my Spoonflower shop and the cafepress shop I linked in my previous entry to help kids with autism in June and July. Or just go shopping. I have lots of designs in both places.
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