So now that I've returned from the Oshkosh Air Show trip, I've headed back down to the basement to continue cleaning the "shop". I have two more boxes and half a grocery bag ready for the thrift store. I also found a pair of shorts I'd been looking for. Imagine that. The last day of July and I finally find them.
My neck and shoulders are less than thrilled with me at the moment, since I spent the last, oh, 20 minutes or so vacuuming the cobwebs in my laundry area. This is actually quite an accomplishment for me, arachnophobe that I am. I managed to do it without dry heaving once! That never happens. I can't put the hose back in the vac, though, because it's got webs on it. I'm also pretty sure I'll have to have my husband empty the canister. Oops! Almost gagged there. Sorry.
If I'm going to really make a home business of this sewing thing, I'm going to need a place I want to be in to work. Seeing my progress is more exciting than I thought it would be. I had always been afraid to get rid of the stuff from failed attempts at projects. Stubbornness, I'm sure. I felt like I was throwing away my ideas and betraying my creativity. Therefore, betraying myself. Now I'm seeing it as being as true to myself as possible and finding my authenticity. Chucking out the stuff I don't love. There is somebody out there who can use it, but it's not me. I'm practically rewiring my brain. I'm hoping that this is my new medication working on my brain chemistry and not some fluke. This is the deepest purge I think I've ever done in my life.
The problem is, I have so many ideas rumbling around in my head. I see a stick on the ground and think, "Oh, wouldn't this be a cool cane?" But I really shouldn't bring it home. Or I see a sweater and think, "Yay! It's wool. I can felt this into a pair of mittens." Yeah, I could, but I discovered that I really hate felting. A lot. On the other hand, I could sew it into a skirt or pillow. But I'm doing my best to be really picky about what I'm keeping. If I don't like the colors or the pattern, it's out. So there you have it. Progress.
I never thought I'd get into quilting, but I really do enjoy it. I still want to create clothes. But, for both of these endeavors, I'm going to need more space than what I currently have. I can get this space, simply by getting rid of all this stuff I've accumulated. I'm not sure what I thought I was missing or what I thought I was going to do with all that stuff. What sort of void I thought I was filling. Perhaps I was only looking for something I thought I could "sell", but it wasn't really what I personally liked.
My husband is one of those people who is fortunate to have a job he really enjoys. He's also a fantastic salesman. He's good at making money but doesn't understand the idea of needing to do something you love whether you make a ton of money at it or not. I think that's why I was trying to find something "commercial" or "popular". But I've never really liked that sort of thing myself. Why would I want to make stuff I hate and sell it to the masses when I could make something I love that is enjoyed by a select few (who are willing to spend good money on it)? That's my point of view, anyway.
I spent most of yesterday on Photoshop and Spoonflower designing fabrics. It's an incredible feeling I get when I do that. I just wish it wasn't so expensive. But it is, and I'll have to save up. I began going through some garment patterns I have that I can adapt for my own designs so that I have an idea of how much fabric I'll need to make them. Then I can put together a budget. Once I have that put together, the fun can really begin! I have over 14 pencil sketches of designs in addition to some things I designed ages ago and there's really no reason why I couldn't make those part of the collection. I still have tons of ideas rumbling around up there, but I'm learning to focus them better. I had been wearing some sort of funky beer goggles before (not really, I don't drink beer. Often). I should have been wearing Speampunk Pilot's Goggles! Ack!
I've also been fighting depression most of my adult life, but only recently was diagnosed with ADD. Now that I've got the medication for that, I'm pretty on top of things. Not all the time, but so much better than I've been in the last 20 years or so. I'm also giving up trying to be what everyone else expects me to be. That's probably what's really making me happy. It's going to suck, because I'm sure there are people in this world who won't be able to deal with the person I really am. But then there are the people in my life who have my number and I think they've just been waiting for me to emerge.
