Getting personal...

I can't believe how much I've gotten done. Unfortunately, by the end of the day yesterday I had managed to give myself a migraine and went to bed rather early. I had intended on working until late, but that just wasn't happening. 

However, I managed to get the tables switched around and I've begun sorting some more of the fabric and supplies I intend to keep. I've also started going through one of my downstairs cupboards and sorting the books and magazines that were in there. Which ones are true to my vision, which ones will make some thrift store shopper squeal with delight... that style of thing.

I think I've managed to get something stuck in each of my two vacuum cleaners and will have to have my husband bring in some of the tools from his work truck to dissect them and remove the offending chunks of whatever it is. I'm not looking forward to that. I know for a fact I sucked up some spider egg sacks. <erp> Stupid arachnophobia!

I had some things sitting in my basement for ages waiting to be laundered, but since they aren't things I use frequently, I always did the more necessary items first. I got all of it done! The only thing left is the current laundry and a sleeping bag that had been packed away in my cupboard. I even wore a pair of silk pajamas I purchased months ago to bed last night. I got them at a thrift store in the Halloween department, and they've just been sitting down there waiting for the delicate cycle. Thrifty hint: Always wash thrift store clothes before wearing. I may wash my stuff before it goes to charity, but not everyone does. <shudder>

I now have four more boxes of stuff for charity and one that's about half-way full. I can't begin to tell you how awesome it feels to get rid of this stuff. I guess I'll have to admit that I am some sort of hoarder. Luckily, I found a doctor who finally gave me a proper diagnosis (ADD) and the right medication. I had to do an awful lot of calling around and our insurance blows when it comes to mental health treatment. Not to get on a soapbox, but if we would spend more time and money on mental health issues, we wouldn't have things like the Colorado Theater shooting. That's my humble opinion.

But back to the studio...

I am nervous about really digging into my stuff. Partially because of the spiders, but mostly because I look at some of the stuff and wonder what I was thinking. Then I get upset with myself for spending the money on something I never used, am never going to use, and will be getting rid of momentarily. Then I get upset at myself for wasting so much time and energy on the stuff I never did/will never do. Then I get all sentimental about things. It's no wonder people who hoard don't want to get rid of their stuff. It's emotional. It's depressing. At times it's even gut-wrenching (and I'm not just talking about the spiders). It's not a very comfortable place to be. Well, not while you're doing it. I have to remind myself that I'm finding my authenticity. I go downstairs and look at how far I've come, and I'm really proud of what I've accomplished already. If I took a picture of it the way it is now, I'm sure there are those of you who would say, "Um, that's the before picture, right?" Hey, I had a lot of crap. I didn't take any before pictures. But I have posted the pics of my loads of stuff going to charity and that should give you a pretty good idea of what the "before" was like. Some of that came from the garage, but still. Lots o' stuff! That way, when I get around to posting the after pics, you can be all impressed. 

I sometimes have to stop going through everything to catch my breath. I sometimes feel like I'm on the verge of crying. I haven't broken down, yet. I'm sure at some point I will. I've gotten very sad about a few things, but haven't been brought to tears over them. A couple of things I found in the garage were close. Like the bio in the program I found from the last show I did in my hometown before leaving for New York City "to make it on Broadway." Or the pictures of little girls in my "Someday" folder. Yeah, that tripped up my depression for a couple of days. I didn't do anything for fear of finding more so-called "failures". On the other hand, I found things like this:

Yep, that's me in the middle with the stellar horns!

It's one of the things that I found that remind me of who I really am. A performer who's also really good at costuming. Not only did I portray Titania, but I also designed and single-handedly built all of the costumes for this production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. The director had originally called me to just do the costumes but at the time, I really wanted to focus on my acting. When the actress playing Titania couldn't do the show, he called me back and asked if I'd do both. Obviously, I did. I'm really proud of that head piece and all the costumes I did for that show. The kids in the show (there were only 3 adults in the cast, 4 if you could the 18 year old high schooler) were really great, even if they did underestimate themselves and their ability to do Shakespeare. I made sure they got over that in a hurry.

I do love theatre. I love spectacle. I love history and fashion. I love fabric. I love designing. I love fantasy. Now, I'm trying to make that fantasy a reality. I'm not sure how that's going to happen, but I know it will.